Feeling Limited

Julio: what up broheim
got a few minutes to spare, while i'm at the airport
Kyle: whats up babe
10:24 AM what airport
Julio: colombo, sri lanka
i just took an hr long ride in a tuk tuk
i feel like my mouths been taped to the end of an exhaust pipe
10:25 AM Kyle: haha
Julio: had a nice screaming match with the driver
in order to bargain down the fare to 50%
b/c we literally had no sri lankan currency left
10:26 AM Kyle: you paid him in pond water and sour gummy bears?
Julio: he just wanted a box set of Prison Break
i had a hilarious convo today with this kid
10:27 AM near my hostel
he's like
so, is X-Files based on a true story?
i said no
it's the fiction of 12 Jewish guys in LA
he said, oh
like he knew what i was talking about
10:28 AM Kyle: and then you were like, "the other day, me and my girl were like, listening to the XX eating spanicopittas from Whole Foods, and she was like God, White Ribbon is such of rip off of Children of the Corn, hhahah."
______________________________________________________________
Julio: trains are some real ass shit though
you can hang out the side
Kyle: what
amazing
Julio: like you're robbing it
yeah
when you take a piss
it's literally just a hole that leads to the tracks
you can see the tracks whizzing past
as you whiz
10:31 AM Kyle: sounds like the perfect way to pee
im going to paint train tracks in the bowl of my toilet
10:32 AM and then move my head up and down really fast as i pee making "chug chug chug"sounds

Natural Born Scientists

1:12PM
π: who's ready to get down and suck monday's dick????
K-Pax: please, im still narrating my sunday in the fashion of David Attenborough
π: ha
K-Pax: i dont get depressed till I see Mathew Weiners name in the credits
π: is mad men on?
oh wait, its like 1pm your time
K-Pax: yea im just finishing my coffee and whatever MAlcom gladwell has to tell me for the week
what is it fuckling wednesday there?
whenever id talk to my friends from Barcelona id say "sorry I cant understand you from this far in the futre"
i must not have done my general relativity ratio properly before hitting the green button on Skype
π: its still sunday, but tomorrow we go back to 1989
and i get to listen to old people go on about how they couldnt eat bananas in e. berlin

1 Year Anniversary!

I guess we were too busy drinking/fighting/fucking/loving to notice this, but WEEKEND TERRORISM turned 1 year old on October 22nd. Sincere thank yous to all five of our readers.

XOXO J&C

From L.A. to the Bay

AliceWaters: most people from LA do not like the Bay

to live in i mean

6 minutes

7:39 PM EvaLongoria: Either you think it's beneath you and you hate it, or you think it's beneath you and you love it (i.e. you look at everyone as prey), or you love it (in which case, you probably hated LA anyway)

7:41 PM AliceWaters: yea i get that. I mean nothing against you at all of course. But clearly LA people are horrible, but the generaly population up here is so unattractive we let them slide. But for those of us who are good looking (eh hem) we generally view them as vaginal and anal secretions

7:44 PM EvaLongoria: sorry you need to repeat that. i was just finishing up my xlarge pinkberry

7:45 PM AliceWaters: I cant I have to head over to a prop 8 rally

7:46 PM EvaLongoria: im campaigning for cheap, affordable Tom Ford eyewear

7:48 PM AliceWaters: i just took a shower in recycled soy products

Auf Wiedersehen!

11:40 PM Gudrun: ok, so berlin

11:42 PM Ursula: right ...

Gudrun: people actually say "wunderbar" (splendid)

i thought that only came from superman comics from the 1940s

surprised to find its an actual word

11:43 PM Ursula: ha, i heard they also say "jews" (or a word that sounds like that) for a goodbye greeting which i find nicely disgusting

Gudrun: yeah exactly

48 minutes

12:31 AM Gudrun: alright my boy, i'm out for the night

Ursula: JEWS

Gudrun: talk soon

JEWS

Being A Woman Is The Shit, Probably

6:32 PM Jean-Claude: the fuck are you up to homeboy

?

6:33 PM Pierrot: just got home from a fucking catering gig omg

Jean-Claude: what?

jesus

Pierrot: i just picked up like 25 hours of work over the last two days

Jean-Claude: well on your way to selling a tv show to ABC i see

6:34 PM Pierrot: exactly

It does feel good to be without a doubt the coolest motherfucker in a room of 150 though

6:35 PM its like group head, but only one dick

mine

Jean-Claude: ha ha

6:36 PM Pierrot: but i bet im the only one who has to come home to three chocolate cookies, a banana and top ramen

Jean-Claude: arent you supposed to be stealing canapés and pot roast at these kinds of jobs

tray of devilled eggs, just "falls off the truck"?

6:38 PM Pierrot: yea i did

but i ate them there

6:39 PM got caught today too

eating soup

how embarrasing

Jean-Claude: fuck

Pierrot: its like getting caught jacking off, not to porn

or being arrested for stealing a case of coca cola

6:40 PM brb 90 sec

6:44 PM yo

Jean-Claude: so what kind of event did you cater?

6:45 PM Pierrot: well it wasnt really catering only

it was a HUGE conference at the Fairmont hotel

nicest in SF for sure

700 peops

had to room monitor, check in. and cater

all OT though

and easy

6:46 PM 4 blocks from my place

Jean-Claude: got it

ive worked those kinds of things before

6:47 PM but as a videographer

Pierrot: theres was one there

Jean-Claude: a lot of watery looking dudes in bad suits walking around with their wedding rings hidden in their pockets

6:49 PM Pierrot: thats right on. lots of guys who were like "yea I get it" when id make a joke and then walk away thinking. "fuck the youth"

Jean-Claude: haha

6:50 PM Pierrot: i swear. both my bosses were gay. so I just acted a little gay and flirty

i got whatever i wanted

being a woman is the shit probably

Jean-Claude: yeah i hear you

whenever i walk into the party i seek out the gay dude

6:51 PM im like, 'here's a guy who will probably be interested in what i have to say'

Pierrot: haha

hey do me a big gay favor. ok

6:52 PM text 510 465 2144. "hey cam, this is Cuyler via Julian. Im home and you can come by whenever. xoxo" you mind???

No Terror Here but Dammit its a Monday, so Enjoy

"Oh nothing, just hanging out watching the US Open"

8:39 PM
Federer: i wish i still enjoyed coke cause i'd do a ton of it
(alas)
Del Potro: sigh
8:41 PM
Federer: i wish i still enjoyed graphic novels too, but i guess it's for the best
Del Potro: or that you were gay bc you would fuck the living shit out of Floyd right now
Federer: exactly being straight kind of shuts you out
according to me, the world is flat, basically
there's a whole turtle under that globe that i have no idea exists

if that sounds weird, that's some shit medievalers used to believe
Del Potro: no no no I know it. "turtles all the way down"
Federer: ha yes
alright i'm out

My Dick Voted Against Universal Health Care

11:21 PM Chad: my dick is so gay it fucks my own ass

11:22 PM Jeremy: my dick thinks therefore it is

Chad: ha!

11:24 PM my dick is resting calmly on the couch while i sit at my desk. he said he needs a "power nap" whatever that mean

s

11:25 PM Jeremy: my dick just needs it's space

Chad: my dick is mad at your dick

11:27 PM Jeremy: my dick took a couple of your eggs and probably won't tell you

11:28 PM

Chad: my dick spends five nights a weeks at his girlfriends only to come home and complain that the electric bill is too high and doesnt want to pay half

@The_Lost_Generation

Cohn: last night i watched the first half hour of Manhattan and then the first half hour of Bottle Rocket. That may have been the funniest hour of movie magic in my life

11:39 AM Pedro: Manhattan is probably my favorite Woody Allen

fucking Mariel Hemingway or whoever that pre-teen is

what a heartbreaking scene

Cohn: it is here

her

11:40 AM Pedro: she offed herself huh

Cohn: no

her sis

margot

Pedro: yea margaux

Cohn: yes

mariel is alive

and in films

5'11"

11:41 AM Pedro: a giantess

if i, as some skinny, smart ass asian motherfucker

somehow started dating mariel hemingway

11:42 AM id be so fuckin glad her pops is under the ground

Cohn: foreal

Pedro: Thanksgiving would be like D Day

11:43 AM Cohn: "so Mr Hemingway, the lost generation hey?" pop pop pop

Pedro: haha

"hey Ernie, have you seen Keyboard Cat? Check this out .."

11:45 AM shit, i wonder if Pops threatened woody with violence if he tried anything funny

11:46 AM Cohn: he wasnt dead?

Pedro: i dunno

when did he die?

Cohn: its her Grandpa

her mom is his first wife

Pedro: oh he was long gone

60s

Cohn: mm

Pedro: manhattan wasnt till the late 70s

11:47 AM Cohn: if he saw the phrase @juliantran hed probably just have killed himself anyway

I Can't Keep Doing This ... With These ... People

1:10 PM AnhQuanFraticelli: i'd pay 35 bucks to have an orgasm right now

that's how hungover i am

1:11 PM DenzelRubenstein: im surfing inet dating sites, foreal

im wearing a swimsuit

AnhQuanFraticelli: one of my good buddies out here has a true match.com success story

he likened it to "looking at fish in a barrell"

1:12 PM i'm thinking of posting my profile, but with a white jewish guy's picture

to see how horribly disadvantaged i am in real life

it's a struggle

1:13 PM DenzelRubenstein: haha

AnhQuanFraticelli: i work twice as hard to get the same pussy as a less cool white guy

it's insane

1:14 PM DenzelRubenstein: im looking for specific skill sets right now. amazing tolerance for cigarette smoke in bed, bisexuality, willing to beat me and makes >$50,00/year.

very few out there

1:15 PM AnhQuanFraticelli: the beating you part and the >50k are opposites on the venn diagram

DenzelRubenstein: im basically looking for that one retarted fish that gloates at the top of the barrell and plays dead until you fuck it to life

AnhQuanFraticelli: ha

right

1:17 PM DenzelRubenstein: God its actually really depressing

i thought maybe thered been a shift in thought and normal hot people get on here and see what comes back

1:18 PM sadly its a bunch of black and latinas with names like "beyonce23" and "shakiraassmuncher44"

AnhQuanFraticelli: fuck

you would have thought that rom coms like "he's just not that into you" would have sent people to match.com in droves

1:19 PM and by people, i mean sad brunettes working in "media" and living in Ny

1:21 PM DenzelRubenstein: ha!

1:22 PM AnhQuanFraticelli: i just described my morning commute

a bunch of ok looking girls thinking about the emails they have to send this morning

1:23 PM DenzelRubenstein: 'ewww what is that guy doing? Oh is he jacking off? oh god! Im so tweeting this'

AnhQuanFraticelli: ha ha

1:25 PM DenzelRubenstein: when i got up this morning i saw a girl walk out her building in that standard whore office attire, where knowing its friday she dressed cute so she can get banged aftter happy with Steve from billing and services. She lit a cigarette and put on her glasses and wanted to just go up to her and grab her hair and slam her face first into my building and say "just fucking stop it ok. all of this."

1:27 PM instead i lit a cig of my own and farted, and thought "I think i need to take a shit"

And the Oscar Goes To ...

4:13 PM RomanCoppola: so the oscars are changing their format for best picture

4:15 PM

instead of 5 best picture noms

it's 10

4:16 PM i cant tell whether this will be used for good or evil

4:17 PM could the producers of He's Just Not That Into You be thinking "maybe this is our year"?

4:21 PM NickCassavetes: haha. wow

i cant believe that

the list to me is always 2

and its clear what the winner is

RomanCoppola: exactly

and then you have your Secret Oscars

which only you and your friends care about

4:22 PM America never wins that one

4:23 PM NickCassavetes: sotrue

8 minutes

4:31 PM NickCassavetes: you never saw my black timberland boat shoes when you were here did you?

RomanCoppola: nope

4:32 PM NickCassavetes: well i spared you one orgasm you can now have during intercourse with a female

RomanCoppola: thank you

those are in short supply due to the casual drinking i'm engaged in

1-2 whiskey based cocktails is enough to turn my dick into an inanimate objet d'art

4:34 PM NickCassavetes: you can make a molding and send it to Telluride for the best foreign film award

4:37 PM RomanCoppola: "short film category"

ba dum pshhh

4:40 PM NickCassavetes: hah

Just fucking stealing pics, stealing pics

Have a Bless-ed Weekend You,alls

Look Ma, No Hands

12:52 PM
Charlie: just got back from a temp agency interview and I blew shit out of the water. im the most qualified dude for sure. my competition is GED educated mid 40's black women who use the "hunt and peck" technique on their typing test
Charlie: I scored an 86 on my Excel test and I was like "ouch" and she said, "no its fine, the avg score is 68"

its like if enrolled in film 101, and my first paper was on the affect of faces of a Mizoguchi
you know, until just right now, i can proudly say i have never written the words "mise en scene"
12:55 PM
thats like in 8 years theres gonna be a couple dick heads like us saying "I can proudly say, through all that bullshit, I never wore skinny jeans"
goddamn I dont even need you today, Im my own catalyst
just dont sign off
Mac: hahaha
12:58 PM
Charlie: so I usually dont pass blame on these sort of issues (like, jim got me hooked on junk, marjene got me hooked on pussy) but YOU my friend, I can safely say brought me right back to smoking, full on
Mac: i just helped you self-actualize
i'm like a death coach
Charlie: its true, ive never felt more like me
waking up in the morning with a crushed pack of cigarettes and an empty bottle of wine in my bed, is like going to see your mother after 16 years in San Quentin
... only to find out she's dead

Working Stiffs

3:37 PM Sterling: what up home snakes

3:38 PM Cooper: snakes snakes and more snakes, all the way down

3:39 PM Sterling: i'm so fucking sick of working

and it's not that i'm lazy

quite the opposite

i just want to do it in a windowless room, with no one else in it

hermetically sealed off

3:40 PM from assholes

3:41 PM i think i'm harboring a secret desire to be a cartoonist

3:42 PM Cooper: i have a secret desire to catch serial killers and terrorists. does that mean we can share an office?

Sterling: yeah

just make sure you write your name on your lunch so we don't get ours mixed up

3:43 PM Cooper: i once got caught with someone else's Pepsi. it was terrible

had their name in marker on it

Sterling: its like a scene out of a bad commercial

3:44 PM Cooper: exactly, and equally as funny

Sterling: did they react with a really passive aggressive sign scotch taped to the fridge?

3:45 PM Cooper: no but i heard from someone that someone told someone that someone may be pretty mad at me about something

Someone's got a case of the ____

Salt-n: oh cool, so by busy at work, you mean, busy at the location you call work, but in fact doing personal projects
-Pepa: yeah
its the only way i can fathom hearing a marimba sound come out my phone at 8:15am
5days per week

Brasserie Terrorisme

Slow News Day

Charlton: are her friends hot?

2:17 PM Clint: no

2:18 PM strictly brooklyn caliber

they think its déclassé for a girl to wear nice jewelry and makeup cause of the recession

Charlton: yea

Clint: thats bullshit

Apartment Therapy

1:20 PM Nigel: got major plans for the weekend?

1:21 PM Blake: Rachel's best homegirl bff from Chile is coming for a few weeks sometime between the hours of 1am and 8am tonight. theres that. minor plans otherwise

some music, some basketball watching

its actually raining right now

1:22 PM you?

1:24 PM Nigel: my main priority is getting rest

i'm starting to look like sweeney todd

i'm cutting a dudes film for money on sunday

thats it

whiskey or cabernet tonight fa sho

1:25 PM Blake: yea word

1:26 PM last night i was sippin on martini's with gorganzola stuffed black olives

1:27 PM Nigel: oh nice

a lounge?

1:28 PM Blake: yea in Oaklnad

downton

really classy place

not cheap

1:29 PM its like im frontin when i do that, bc I go home hungry and eat refrigerated Hebrew Nationals in my ripped upp jeans, crying over the rabbit ears on my 13" TV

1:31 PM Nigel: ha ha

1:32 PM i wonder when its going to get to the point where i'm actually embarassed to take girls back to my shitty, ikea-filled apt

"eh, we're getting fumigation done. i'll pay for the taxi uptown, it's cool"

1:34 PM Blake: as long as no one looks in my fridge the facade plays. my clothes, my furniture, all acceptable. a Costco sized jar of chunky peanut butter with obvious finger trails and white wine spilling onto open salsa containers doesnt scream class

1:35 PM Nigel: boho chic goes a long way

but i feel it has a limited life span

at what age does it become, "ok James, when are you going to quit your job at Wasteland vintage"

"you havent made manager yet"

1:36 PM Blake: if i was single, the girls i would date, wouldnt be ok with it anymore.

(ie i would never date a hipster, now that i know what theyre all about)

1:37 PM Nigel: i dont think ive ever dated one

i mean, i would prob hate it,

but its not like im not gonna visit Moscow once before i die

Good Ass Movie

Siskel: Half Nelson was actually a good movieEbert: oh yea

Siskel: not like Garden State

Ebert: i really recommended it to people a total "story" based movie that was somehow interesting

5:28 PM Siskel: it's actually so good

that i disparage it in front of other people

i basically dare them to see it

Ebert: right

hah

Siskel: like, you know the best way to get someone to see "2001"

just burn a copy of the dvd casually

just throw it in the fireplace

5:29 PM i don't really know how to recommend Good Movies to other people

5:30 PM i'm like, have you heard of "Hunger"?

(no, obviously)

then i proceed to describe it, do a mediocre job, and they get back to watching clips of Entourage

5:31 PM Ebert: i mean, I dont want to say, "its mind-blowing" or "you HAVE to see it" . i cant situate myself as that guy. so i always end up recommending films like Rocky and like, The Incredibles.

Bc I can say, "it was so good"

and they will think that

5:32 PM "oh you've never heard of 2001? Its like Rocky, but before and after he dies"

Siskel: i'm thinking of buying dvds of obscure films, packaging them in nondescript brown envelopes, with the words "SEE THIS BY TONITE OR ILL FUCKEN KILL U" in sharpie

sending them to friends

Ebert: thats a good idea, I mean realistically. not the kill you part. but just sending DVDs to people with notes like "if you watch this, theres a gram of blow waiting for you at the bar in 3 hours"

5:34 PM Siskel: "you will be quizzed though"

Ebert: exxactly

and once you actually send "Scream"

5:35 PM Siskel

5:36 PM:then you ask them about the themes and visual motifs going on

and they are incredibly well prepared

5:37 PM Ebert: so I saw two "regular" movies this week. one in theater, one in house. Sunshine Cleaning and Ratatouille

Siskel: oh man

5:38 PM Ebert: the former, Amy Adams is good. the latter, the last little VO monologue of the critic sorta did me good.

5:39 PM Siskel: i havent seen sunshine

but yea i know what youre talking about re: ratatouille

Ebert: So what im saying is im not gonna watch normal movies for a long time ... but I wasnt totally disheartened by what i saw

Siskel: theres a tendency to categorize movies into two groups

american and foreign

5:40 PM as if foreign is just some crazy fucking nation that produces mindblowing shit

all the time

5:41 PM Ebert: you should just guide people who you know who say that to terrible indy german movies

God knows ive seen a few

Siskel: yea

what was that one

5:42 PM The Re Edukators

or some shit

Ebert: YES!

exactly

thats it

Eduaktors

Siskel: that fucking East/West berlin

yea

fuck that movie

Ebert: no one sympathises with Germans

fuck off

5:43 PM you went from straight evil

to straight perfect

who cares