Monday, December 27, 2010

Still Life

[photo by Julian Tran]

Thursday, June 10, 2010


11:58 AM Beverly: back on that internet crack
i chatted for the first time in months a couple days ago
it was like getting out of prison
Elliot: were taking a break
were you taking a break
11:59 AM Beverly: yeah
i needed a minute to remember how to write complete sentences
Elliot: im really into talking about my "humors"
not sense of humor
Beverly: oh you mean that medieval shit
Elliot: but like the 4 humors
Beverly: yeah
the fluids
12:00 PM Elliot: yup
Beverly: where did you go to school
Elliot: i think they are color coordinated too
Beverly: if my bitch started talking about humors id prob marry her
12:01 PM Elliot: some girl wakes up in my bed and im reading a medieval surgery book and feeling around by my liver and nodding my head like "yea, ok"
Beverly: you're like
i think i need to get schedule a trepanning this monday
12:02 PM Elliot: then i ask if shed like some rabbit for breakfast
12:04 PM Beverly: medieval times are great
better than the renaissance
12:05 PM youve just got all this meat curing in a shed behind your hut
Elliot: we really took a weird step there
12:06 PM it was going fine
with the Greeks
and Egypt
running pretty smooth
suddenly we got involved in witch hunts and blood letting
12:07 PM Beverly: right yeah
"trial by jury" involves getting tied up and thrown into a lake to see if you float
12:08 PM Elliot: punishments were creative though
12:09 PM a sort of torture Renaissance
Beverly: yeah, that was a real craft
12:10 PM some of that stuff would make excellent furniture in kanye wests house
Elliot: Kanye fucks his Nubian queen (who would have been burned at the stake back then) on something 5,000 Moores were quartered on
12:11 PM Beverly: ha ha
12:12 PM Elliot: (and i think im out of medieval knowledge)
12:13 PM Beverly: alright
well i am always down to make a king charlemagne joke
12:15 PM Elliot: there are far too many ways that peeling a boiled egg can go wrong
Beverly: i just ate one of those fuckers
whats your method
12:16 PM Elliot: i think a lot depends on post boil
put it in ice water
or not, maybe refrigerate
maybe eat hot
12:17 PM but let me tell you, when some off the white sticks to the shell and I rip off a bit, exposing the yellow, I could kill a baby pig
Beverly: plenty of times i have made the mistake
of just peeling off the shell
but leaving that awful membrane
around it
its like biting into a david cronenberg movie
(early cronenberg)
12:18 PM Elliot: biting into a late cronenberg movie would be trying to eat a stainless steel fridge in a loft in Seattle

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Feeling Limited

Julio: what up broheim
got a few minutes to spare, while i'm at the airport
Kyle: whats up babe
10:24 AM what airport
Julio: colombo, sri lanka
i just took an hr long ride in a tuk tuk
i feel like my mouths been taped to the end of an exhaust pipe
10:25 AM Kyle: haha
Julio: had a nice screaming match with the driver
in order to bargain down the fare to 50%
b/c we literally had no sri lankan currency left
10:26 AM Kyle: you paid him in pond water and sour gummy bears?
Julio: he just wanted a box set of Prison Break
i had a hilarious convo today with this kid
10:27 AM near my hostel
he's like
so, is X-Files based on a true story?
i said no
it's the fiction of 12 Jewish guys in LA
he said, oh
like he knew what i was talking about
10:28 AM Kyle: and then you were like, "the other day, me and my girl were like, listening to the XX eating spanicopittas from Whole Foods, and she was like God, White Ribbon is such of rip off of Children of the Corn, hhahah."
Julio: trains are some real ass shit though
you can hang out the side
Kyle: what
Julio: like you're robbing it
when you take a piss
it's literally just a hole that leads to the tracks
you can see the tracks whizzing past
as you whiz
10:31 AM Kyle: sounds like the perfect way to pee
im going to paint train tracks in the bowl of my toilet
10:32 AM and then move my head up and down really fast as i pee making "chug chug chug"sounds

Monday, November 9, 2009

Natural Born Scientists

π: who's ready to get down and suck monday's dick????
K-Pax: please, im still narrating my sunday in the fashion of David Attenborough
π: ha
K-Pax: i dont get depressed till I see Mathew Weiners name in the credits
π: is mad men on?
oh wait, its like 1pm your time
K-Pax: yea im just finishing my coffee and whatever MAlcom gladwell has to tell me for the week
what is it fuckling wednesday there?
whenever id talk to my friends from Barcelona id say "sorry I cant understand you from this far in the futre"
i must not have done my general relativity ratio properly before hitting the green button on Skype
π: its still sunday, but tomorrow we go back to 1989
and i get to listen to old people go on about how they couldnt eat bananas in e. berlin

Sunday, November 8, 2009

1 Year Anniversary!

I guess we were too busy drinking/fighting/fucking/loving to notice this, but WEEKEND TERRORISM turned 1 year old on October 22nd. Sincere thank yous to all five of our readers.