Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Metamorphosis of Racists

9:32 PM
Reygadas: yo, i want sbarrros n***a
Almodóvar : you know there was a protest by shop owners in Barcelona recently to not allow the selling of sombreros in Pakistani shops
bc peops were buying thinkin they were Spanish
Reygadas: damn
Almodóvar : ive been here for three months and i still think they are.
i also think all Spanish people come from Native Americans
i ask them if their grandparents are "mayan" ..
and i do the finger quotes
Reygadas: ha ha
that really gets the blood boiling
you sit down in a restaurant and loudly wonder where the chalupas are
9:34 PM
Almodóvar : i always ask for a glass of Corona and a Mexican Pizza, if they dont understand I say, "oh, sorry, a number 8 please"
9:35 PM
Reygadas: HA
every country every race has someone to hate
we should all be swiss
the only thing they hate is assymetry
Almodóvar : and war
9:36 PM
Reygadas: and fun ... now that i think about it
i can't think of anyone buying sombreros in spain
except horribly racist college students having "beaner parties"
at BU
(Barcelona U)
9:38 PM
Almodóvar : yea thats the problem, its brtis buying little sombrero thingeys at shops and sending them home to mom. "hi from Spain" with a postcard of Zapata

Friday, January 30, 2009

Psychopathia Sexualis

3:44 PM Araki: sex sells is an american phrase but Europeans are the only ones whove taken it to heart
3:46 PM Itami: they're so bored of being tittilated
throwing a tit or an ass in there is like picking out a font
Araki: word
3:47 PM its the Japs that really are nailin it these days. no longer under the blade of samurai sword, their sexuality skipped 400 years straight to the future: pee pee and poo poo with tons of giggling all the way home
3:48 PM Itami: call me prude
3:49 PM i dont think i could ever acquire the taste of an octopus tentacle tickling my asshole while sex-ing
i just want clean sheets and the lights off
tasteful music
3:50 PM Araki: what one might in other terms refer to as "japanese"
theyve just gone and confused everything
how can you eat and fuck sushi?
3:51 PM Itami: right
i wish modern japan had existed when freud was around
he would have had a field day
maybe his own TV talk show
the 1st thing i'm doing when i invent time travel is go back and show Freud 2 Girls 1 Cup
3:52 PM Araki: hahahahaha

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Laughing All The Way To The Bank

BernieMadoff: take a pic of yourself wearing only that and an ipod
GordieGekko: ha ha
BernieMadoff: and date it!
GordieGekko: for posterity
10:22 AM BernieMadoff: exactly.
GordieGekko: i'll hold up a copy of the new york times
like terrorists do to prove daniel pearl is still alive
10:23 AM BernieMadoff: and send it to mark hunter
or is it marc
10:24 AM GordieGekko: i just don't want him raffling it off at one of his fag garage sale
BernieMadoff: ha
GordieGekko: it's unconscionable (sp?) to give party photogs any more money than they already receive
BernieMadoff: oh my word. do people do that?
10:25 AM i thought it was just their shit
GordieGekko: i think it's all free schwag he gets
then sells to these echo park guppies
BernieMadoff: hes the kind of celeb that still begs for pussy
10:27 AM GordieGekko: do you think he bangs models?
or future models that are still in jr high school
10:28 AM BernieMadoff: i think he fucks their default uglier friend. while they flirt with the guy from MSTRKRFT
GordieGekko: talk about a rock and a hard place
BernieMadoff: but he comes super quickly and blames it on all the blow he and Aoki do
10:29 AM GordieGekko: I blame my premature ejac on Aoki and Hunter
It's just so plausible
Then we discuss the gentrification of bushwick as we smoke a cigarette
BernieMadoff: i blame it on the current state of the economy
10:30 AM like im in the market
i had a bad quarter
GordieGekko: i can't concentrate on fucking when i'm thinking about my bomb cover letter
BernieMadoff: "sorry, can we do this later, im just very focused on my OBJECTIVE this evening"

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Portrait of the Artist: prt 2.

4:01 PM
JulesSchnabel: yeah
like you can't write a great novel on a typewriter if you can afford a word processor
quit trying to be a romantic asshole
4:03 PM
GuvnorKlimt: this is very true
the last time i fucked around on a typewriter i felt like i had cerebral paulsy
4:04 PM
JulesSchnabel: it's like wearing sunglasses indoors
GuvnorKlimt: ha
you have to be a drunk to think thats a good way to produce anything
4:06 PM
JulesSchnabel: yeah
you can't afford a dell inspiron but you can afford the secretary
that's going to make 20 carbons for random house

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Portrait of the Artist

2:32 PM JulesSchnabel: when are we getting our first facebook president
cant wait for the GOP to dig up pics of my boy holding a red plastic solo cup in every goddamn photo
2:33 PM GuvnorKlimt: ha
2:34 PM when i get rich im getting a sarcophagus
JulesSchnabel: rachel gets buried alive with you
2:35 PM GuvnorKlimt: exactly
and you
im bringin my whole crew
JulesSchnabel: fuck
i guess i am living longer considering how i've spent more of my life eating tofu than you have
2:36 PM GuvnorKlimt: i just dont think i want to do this for all that long
its fuckin tiring
2:37 PM i just got back from the Picasso museum, excuse my negativity. I just have this urge to beat women
2:38 PM JulesSchnabel: that's part and parcel of being a genius, unfortch
2:39 PM GuvnorKlimt: seriously, why do movies like Wedding Crashers portray the kid brother as a gay pussy bc hes an artist. he should be beating women, beating RAchel McAdams
2:41 PM JulesSchnabel: right
walking into andy warhol's studio and pissing in the fireplace
calling Velvet underground a bunch of faggots
GuvnorKlimt: exaclty
2:42 PM JulesSchnabel: artists are hard

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Inauguration Report

Jay-Z My President is black Remix LIVE 1-18-09 from pleasedontstare on Vimeo.

Itzhak Perlman: id tap Malia Obama
Yo YO Ma: ha
now guess who's coming to dinner
Itzhak Perlman: "this is cuyler. he forgot to vote, but hes really sweet (and white)"
Yo YO Ma: are you live podcasting the inauguration?
Itzhak Perlman: yea
Yo YO Ma: ha ha
Itzhak Perlman: george´s mental monologue is "pheww, so what should i do later?"
Yo YO Ma: he's taking a road trip to big bear to go snowboarding
Itzhak Perlman: your office watchin?
Yo YO Ma: yeah
CNN on the flat screen
our first "hi def president"
Yo YO Ma: so so def

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Richer Than God

AnhQuanCarnegie: i saw this UNREAL penthouse apt in NoLita
HyramDRockefeller: where that?
12:33 PM AnhQuanCarnegie: near the east village
rich israelis with great taste
HyramDRockefeller: nice, so you movin?
AnhQuanCarnegie: concocting a plan to leave my semen everywhere so i can wedlock into the family
12:34 PM HyramDRockefeller: why were you there? conducting a circumcision?
12:35 PM AnhQuanCarnegie: this girl dexter knows was house sitting
it's one of those places where if you try bringing a bottle of wine under $40 dollars into the house it spontaneously combusts in your hands
12:36 PM HyramDRockefeller: haha
12:37 PM AnhQuanCarnegie: when we found the sauna it was like the jews finding the holy land
12:38 PM HyramDRockefeller: dont you think we make jokes that are too "rich" for us?
12:39 PM i feel like i make 165k/year every time we talk
12:40 PM both of our immigrant grandparents would be ashamed. yours specifically, so serious probably.
12:41 PM AnhQuanCarnegie: too educated for our socio-econ status
HyramDRockefeller: shoulda gone to Chico.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Just Another Day at the Office

4:20am (bitch)

Mickey: i'm playing wimbledon final against a hangover
Rourke: im watchin wimbledon starring Paul Bettany
Mickey: I got jamaal onto blognigger
Mickey: i prefaced by saying, "I want to show you this blog and I'm pretty sure your friends know it but they don't have the balls to tell you about it"
Rourke: then did you ask if his dick is really that big?
Mickey: ha ha ha

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Fashion Terrorists

11:30 AM JohnGaylliano: i feel like i didnt "get" fashion until skinny jeans were invented
TomBored: even though i dont wear them, i agree
11:31 AM JohnGaylliano: i can wear normal pants now -- i'm "with it"
just needed those fashion training wheels so to say
TomBored: i opt for the 514 over the 511. which actually makes the transition to pants easier
JohnGaylliano: ha ha
im still wearing jeans that are dyed like khakis
11:32 AM TomBored: ha
JohnGaylliano: hoping to make the jump in second fiscal quarter of 09
TomBored: ha
11:33 AM i think it, for me, was just a matter of waiting until pants started being cut for sneakers instead of brogues. bc i dont think ill ever make the transistion to real shoes, or boots. i feel like i take everything too seriously if i wear leather on my feet that long
11:34 AM like "can i listen to the new Nas while wearing Clarks?"
or can i smoke weed anymore?
should i start wearing condoms?
11:35 AM JohnGaylliano: "do i really need to look in random peoples medicine cabinets when takin a simple piss?"
11:36 AM TomBored: "will i ever investigate what that actually is on my inner thigh?"
JohnGaylliano: oh
11:37 AM just to show you how laid i am getting -- and consequentially how arrogant i am
have somehow summoned the courage to wear these every day
even at work
TomBored: fuck you