I Can't Keep Doing This ... With These ... People

1:10 PM AnhQuanFraticelli: i'd pay 35 bucks to have an orgasm right now

that's how hungover i am

1:11 PM DenzelRubenstein: im surfing inet dating sites, foreal

im wearing a swimsuit

AnhQuanFraticelli: one of my good buddies out here has a true match.com success story

he likened it to "looking at fish in a barrell"

1:12 PM i'm thinking of posting my profile, but with a white jewish guy's picture

to see how horribly disadvantaged i am in real life

it's a struggle

1:13 PM DenzelRubenstein: haha

AnhQuanFraticelli: i work twice as hard to get the same pussy as a less cool white guy

it's insane

1:14 PM DenzelRubenstein: im looking for specific skill sets right now. amazing tolerance for cigarette smoke in bed, bisexuality, willing to beat me and makes >$50,00/year.

very few out there

1:15 PM AnhQuanFraticelli: the beating you part and the >50k are opposites on the venn diagram

DenzelRubenstein: im basically looking for that one retarted fish that gloates at the top of the barrell and plays dead until you fuck it to life

AnhQuanFraticelli: ha

right

1:17 PM DenzelRubenstein: God its actually really depressing

i thought maybe thered been a shift in thought and normal hot people get on here and see what comes back

1:18 PM sadly its a bunch of black and latinas with names like "beyonce23" and "shakiraassmuncher44"

AnhQuanFraticelli: fuck

you would have thought that rom coms like "he's just not that into you" would have sent people to match.com in droves

1:19 PM and by people, i mean sad brunettes working in "media" and living in Ny

1:21 PM DenzelRubenstein: ha!

1:22 PM AnhQuanFraticelli: i just described my morning commute

a bunch of ok looking girls thinking about the emails they have to send this morning

1:23 PM DenzelRubenstein: 'ewww what is that guy doing? Oh is he jacking off? oh god! Im so tweeting this'

AnhQuanFraticelli: ha ha

1:25 PM DenzelRubenstein: when i got up this morning i saw a girl walk out her building in that standard whore office attire, where knowing its friday she dressed cute so she can get banged aftter happy with Steve from billing and services. She lit a cigarette and put on her glasses and wanted to just go up to her and grab her hair and slam her face first into my building and say "just fucking stop it ok. all of this."

1:27 PM instead i lit a cig of my own and farted, and thought "I think i need to take a shit"

And the Oscar Goes To ...

4:13 PM RomanCoppola: so the oscars are changing their format for best picture

4:15 PM

instead of 5 best picture noms

it's 10

4:16 PM i cant tell whether this will be used for good or evil

4:17 PM could the producers of He's Just Not That Into You be thinking "maybe this is our year"?

4:21 PM NickCassavetes: haha. wow

i cant believe that

the list to me is always 2

and its clear what the winner is

RomanCoppola: exactly

and then you have your Secret Oscars

which only you and your friends care about

4:22 PM America never wins that one

4:23 PM NickCassavetes: sotrue

8 minutes

4:31 PM NickCassavetes: you never saw my black timberland boat shoes when you were here did you?

RomanCoppola: nope

4:32 PM NickCassavetes: well i spared you one orgasm you can now have during intercourse with a female

RomanCoppola: thank you

those are in short supply due to the casual drinking i'm engaged in

1-2 whiskey based cocktails is enough to turn my dick into an inanimate objet d'art

4:34 PM NickCassavetes: you can make a molding and send it to Telluride for the best foreign film award

4:37 PM RomanCoppola: "short film category"

ba dum pshhh

4:40 PM NickCassavetes: hah