DEAD RINGERS

11:58 AM Beverly: back on that internet crack

i chatted for the first time in months a couple days ago

it was like getting out of prison

Elliot: were taking a break

were you taking a break

11:59 AM Beverly: yeah

i needed a minute to remember how to write complete sentences

Elliot: im really into talking about my "humors"

not sense of humor

Beverly: oh you mean that medieval shit

Elliot: but like the 4 humors

yea

Beverly: yeah

the fluids

goddamn

12:00 PM Elliot: yup

Beverly: where did you go to school

Elliot: i think they are color coordinated too

Beverly: if my bitch started talking about humors id prob marry her

12:01 PM Elliot: some girl wakes up in my bed and im reading a medieval surgery book and feeling around by my liver and nodding my head like "yea, ok"

Beverly: you're like

i think i need to get schedule a trepanning this monday

12:02 PM Elliot: then i ask if shed like some rabbit for breakfast

12:04 PM Beverly: medieval times are great

better than the renaissance

12:05 PM youve just got all this meat curing in a shed behind your hut

Elliot: we really took a weird step there

12:06 PM it was going fine

with the Greeks

and Egypt

running pretty smooth

suddenly we got involved in witch hunts and blood letting

12:07 PM Beverly: right yeah

"trial by jury" involves getting tied up and thrown into a lake to see if you float

12:08 PM Elliot: punishments were creative though

12:09 PM a sort of torture Renaissance

Beverly: yeah, that was a real craft

12:10 PM some of that stuff would make excellent furniture in kanye wests house

Elliot: Kanye fucks his Nubian queen (who would have been burned at the stake back then) on something 5,000 Moores were quartered on

12:11 PM Beverly: ha ha

12:12 PM Elliot: (and i think im out of medieval knowledge)

12:13 PM Beverly: alright

well i am always down to make a king charlemagne joke

12:15 PM Elliot: there are far too many ways that peeling a boiled egg can go wrong

Beverly: i just ate one of those fuckers

whats your method

12:16 PM Elliot: i think a lot depends on post boil

put it in ice water

or not, maybe refrigerate

maybe eat hot

12:17 PM but let me tell you, when some off the white sticks to the shell and I rip off a bit, exposing the yellow, I could kill a baby pig

Babe

Beverly: plenty of times i have made the mistake

of just peeling off the shell

but leaving that awful membrane

around it

its like biting into a david cronenberg movie

(early cronenberg)

12:18 PM Elliot: biting into a late cronenberg movie would be trying to eat a stainless steel fridge in a loft in Seattle