Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Auf Wiedersehen!


11:40 PM Gudrun: ok, so berlin
11:42 PM Ursula: right ...
Gudrun: people actually say "wunderbar" (splendid)
i thought that only came from superman comics from the 1940s
surprised to find its an actual word
11:43 PM Ursula: ha, i heard they also say "jews" (or a word that sounds like that) for a goodbye greeting which i find nicely disgusting
Gudrun: yeah exactly

48 minutes
12:31 AM Gudrun: alright my boy, i'm out for the night
Ursula: JEWS
Gudrun: talk soon
JEWS

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Being A Woman Is The Shit, Probably


6:32 PM Jean-Claude: the fuck are you up to homeboy
?
6:33 PM Pierrot: just got home from a fucking catering gig omg
Jean-Claude: what?
jesus
Pierrot: i just picked up like 25 hours of work over the last two days
Jean-Claude: well on your way to selling a tv show to ABC i see
6:34 PM Pierrot: exactly
It does feel good to be without a doubt the coolest motherfucker in a room of 150 though
6:35 PM its like group head, but only one dick
mine
Jean-Claude: ha ha
6:36 PM Pierrot: but i bet im the only one who has to come home to three chocolate cookies, a banana and top ramen
Jean-Claude: arent you supposed to be stealing canapés and pot roast at these kinds of jobs
tray of devilled eggs, just "falls off the truck"?
6:38 PM Pierrot: yea i did
but i ate them there
6:39 PM got caught today too
eating soup
how embarrasing
Jean-Claude: fuck
Pierrot: its like getting caught jacking off, not to porn
or being arrested for stealing a case of coca cola
6:40 PM brb 90 sec
6:44 PM yo
Jean-Claude: so what kind of event did you cater?
6:45 PM Pierrot: well it wasnt really catering only
it was a HUGE conference at the Fairmont hotel
nicest in SF for sure
700 peops
had to room monitor, check in. and cater
all OT though
and easy
6:46 PM 4 blocks from my place
Jean-Claude: got it
ive worked those kinds of things before
6:47 PM but as a videographer
Pierrot: theres was one there
Jean-Claude: a lot of watery looking dudes in bad suits walking around with their wedding rings hidden in their pockets
6:49 PM Pierrot: thats right on. lots of guys who were like "yea I get it" when id make a joke and then walk away thinking. "fuck the youth"
Jean-Claude: haha
6:50 PM Pierrot: i swear. both my bosses were gay. so I just acted a little gay and flirty
i got whatever i wanted
being a woman is the shit probably
Jean-Claude: yeah i hear you
whenever i walk into the party i seek out the gay dude
6:51 PM im like, 'here's a guy who will probably be interested in what i have to say'
Pierrot: haha
hey do me a big gay favor. ok
6:52 PM text 510 465 2144. "hey cam, this is Cuyler via Julian. Im home and you can come by whenever. xoxo" you mind???

Sunday, September 13, 2009

"Oh nothing, just hanging out watching the US Open"


8:39 PM
Federer: i wish i still enjoyed coke cause i'd do a ton of it
(alas)
Del Potro: sigh
8:41 PM
Federer: i wish i still enjoyed graphic novels too, but i guess it's for the best
Del Potro: or that you were gay bc you would fuck the living shit out of Floyd right now
Federer: exactly being straight kind of shuts you out
according to me, the world is flat, basically
there's a whole turtle under that globe that i have no idea exists

if that sounds weird, that's some shit medievalers used to believe
Del Potro: no no no I know it. "turtles all the way down"
Federer: ha yes
alright i'm out

Thursday, September 10, 2009

My Dick Voted Against Universal Health Care


11:21 PM Chad: my dick is so gay it fucks my own ass
11:22 PM Jeremy: my dick thinks therefore it is
Chad: ha!
11:24 PM my dick is resting calmly on the couch while i sit at my desk. he said he needs a "power nap" whatever that mean
s
11:25 PM Jeremy: my dick just needs it's space
Chad: my dick is mad at your dick
11:27 PM Jeremy: my dick took a couple of your eggs and probably won't tell you
11:28 PM
Chad: my dick spends five nights a weeks at his girlfriends only to come home and complain that the electric bill is too high and doesnt want to pay half